Wishing you were somehow here again
by Dalnim
Summary: Post-Reichenbach: John and Sherlock's feelings and thoughts after the Fall. Johnlock. Song (Musical) fic.
1. Prologue: The Scientist

**A/N: Hello my dear readers! I have been having a bit of a Sherlock-craze lately and this is the result of that. There will be eight chapters in this fic, meaning eight songs and this is the first of them. I'm sorry to say that the chapters will be drabble-length. Oh, and Sherlock might be a bit of OOC, but he's missing John so give him a break. ;)**

**Hope you like it!**

**Summary: Post-Reichenbach: Song (Musical) fic. Six songs to describe John's feelings after the Fall and two for Sherlock. Johnlock. **

**Warnings: Angst, Slash references **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock Holmes or the song _The Scientist_ by _Coldplay_.**

_Singing_

* * *

**Prologue:**

Sherlock Holmes watched from afar as his best friend limped through the gates to the cemetery and stopped in front of his grave. It was the day of his funeral and the ceremony had just ended. The few people that had attended had all left – all apart from John.

Sherlock ripped his eyes off of John's shaking form and closed them as he leaned against the tree he was hiding behind. He took a shuddering breath as the pain and longing consumed him and took over his senses.

He started to sing.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry _

_You don't know how lovely you are _

_I had to find you, tell you I need you _

_Tell you I'll set you apart_

All the long-suppressed feelings Sherlock had hidden deep inside for years surfaced as he sang his voice quiet as a whisper, only heard by the humming wind. He sang for the only person that ever meant something for him.

The only person that truly mattered.

He sang for John.

_Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions _

_Oh let's go back to the start _

_Running in circles, coming in tails _

_Heads on a science apart_

Sherlock wanted to go to John as the soldier cried silent tears, kneeling in front of the empty grave that was supposed to be his final resting place. He wanted to tell him that it wasn't real – that he was alive – that it was just a trick. He wanted to gather the crying man in his arms and tell him how sorry he was for everything.

But he couldn't.

_Nobody said it was easy _

_It's such a shame for us to part _

_Nobody said it was easy _

_No one ever said it would be this hard _

_Oh, take me back to the start._

No, he couldn't.

Sherlock had to go and leave John behind and that was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. He had thought that it would be easy. After all, he was a high-functioning sociopath, he never cared about anyone and no-one ever cared about him. There would be no-one to leave behind, no-one to miss him.

Expect there was.

_I was just guessing at numbers and figures _

_Pulling your puzzles apart _

_Questions of science, science and progress _

_Do not speak as loud as my heart_

Two years ago it would have been true. He could have left – he could have disappeared without anyone's knowledge and no-one would have searched for him. No-one would have cared.

Two years ago he hadn't met John Watson.

_Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me _

_Oh, and I rush to the start _

_Running in circles, chasing our tails _

_Coming back as we are_

Sherlock had never felt like there was something missing from his life back then. He was content with his scientific experiments, cases and deductions. He had never needed anyone. Not until he met John. John had intrigued him right from the first glance and the more time he spent with him the more he liked it. Sherlock begun dependent on John without even realizing it. He felt empty when John wasn't with him. And by causing pain to John he was killing himself, slowly from the inside.

_Nobody said it was easy _

_Oh it's such a shame for us to part _

_Nobody said it was easy _

_No one ever said it would be so hard _

_I'm going back to the start_

Sherlock had never thought it could hurt so much. That he could miss someone so much it was hard to breath. Sentiment had never been his area. He didn't understand feelings. Why would he? He had convinced himself early on that caring wasn't an advantage – sentiment was for the weak. He was better off without. And that there was no such thing as love; love only existed in fiction – books and TV. Dull.

But that was when he hadn't met John.

That was when he hadn't fallen in love.

And now, he would give anything to just be with the person he loved.

He had never even gotten a chance to tell John about his feelings. He hadn't realized it until the moment he jumped off the St Bart's roof. And now it was too late. Now he had to leave. To destroy every single part of Moriarty's web.

To protect his heart.

And maybe one day, he could come back and find his heart again.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review and tell me what you think. Next chapter will be posted in a few days.**

**- Dalnim**


	2. Wishing you were somehow here again

**A/N: Here's the second chapter. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock Holmes or the song _Wishing you were somehow here_ again by_ Andrew Lloyd Webber._**

_**o/**Singing**\o**_

* * *

John Watson had spent the last three days in a state of a shock. He felt like he was surrounded by a thick never-ending fog, just wandering around, not able to find his way out.

He felt lost.

He didn't register any condolences offered to him or the people who tried to get some reaction out of him.

He felt numb.

He moved around like on an auto-pilot, only eating when Mrs. Hudson or Lestrade told him to. Only on the day of the funeral did it finally sink in;

Sherlock was dead.

_**o/**You were once my one companion_

_You were all that mattered_

_You were once a friend and partner_

_Then my world was shattered**\o**_

The realization sunk in and John felt pain like no other.

It was heart-rending.

Nothing like getting shot at. No. The pain he felt then was nothing compared to this. This felt like someone was cutting him in half with a sharp knife.

___**o/**_Wishing you were somehow here again

_Wishing you were somehow near_

_Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed_

_Somehow you would be here**\o**_

This was longing.

He longed for Sherlock. His best friend, his partner and…

There were so many things he wanted to say to him. So much to tell. He never got the chance to thank him. Sherlock was his savior. He pulled him out of the misery he was in after getting discharged from the army. He gave him purpose again.

And John would give anything to see him even just once.

___**o/**_Wishing I could hear your voice again

_Knowing that I never would_

_Dreaming of you won't help me to do_

_All that you dreamed I could**\o**_

John missed him so much.

He missed waking up every morning, knowing that Sherlock would be there lying on their couch plucking his violin, or deeply focused on some experiment, waiting for John to wake up and make him tea. He missed the violin concertos at 3 am, the mess in the flat because one of Sherlock's experiments blew up – again. He missed the comfortable silences between them, bothering Sherlock to eat or yelling at him for whatever reason – he missed even the various body parts in the fridge.

He missed their cases together; Sherlock's deductions which never ceased to amaze him; Dinners at Angelo's, who every time insisted to put a candle on their table – because it was more romantic.

___**o/**_Too many years fighting back tears

_Why can't the past just die?**\o**_

He missed everything about him. And yet, at the same time…

A part of him wished he could forget.

___**o/**_Wishing you were somehow here again

_Knowing we must say, "Goodbye"_

_Try to forgive, teach me to live_

_Give me the strength to try**\o**_

He wished he had never met Sherlock.

Maybe then he wouldn't miss him so much. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.

And he wouldn't have to say goodbye.

___**o/**_No more memories, no more silent tears

_No more gazing across the wasted years_

_Help me say, "Goodbye"_

_Help me say, "Goodbye"**\o**_

It was what everyone was telling him to do.

To say goodbye.

To let him go.

'It's okay to mourn him John, but you need to say goodbye and move on in time. That's what Sherlock would have wanted you to do', they said.

And John knew they were right; Sherlock would have scoffed at him for his sentimentally.

"Dull", he would have said.

So he tried.

For days.

For weeks.

For months.

But the pain never went away. The wounds never healed and the pain was just as raw as it was in the beginning.

And then he just stopped trying.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review and tell me what you think.**

**The next chapter will be posted on Sunday.**

**- Dalnim**


	3. My immortal

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock Holmes or the song _My Immortal _by_ Evanescence_**

**_singing_**

* * *

**_I'm so tired of being here_**

**_Suppressed by all my childish fears_**

**_And if you have to leave_**

**_I wish that you would just leave_**

**_'Cause your presence still lingers here_**

**_And it won't leave me alone _**

John was beginning to lose hope.

It had been three months since Sherlock's death and it wasn't getting any better. The pain was still there as fresh as it had ever been and getting up every morning was a chore John no longer had energy to do.

**_These wounds won't seem to heal_**

**_ This pain is just too real_**

**_ There's just too much that time cannot erase_**

Everything, no matter where he went reminded him of Sherlock.

**_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_**

**_ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_**

**_ And I held your hand through all of these years_**

**_ But you still have all of me _**

He kept on replaying all their moments together from the first time they met; every case, every deduction, laughter, fight… The brilliance…

**_ You used to captivate me by your resonating light_**

**_ Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_**

**_ Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams_**

**_ Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me _**

Sherlock was present in every waking moment and even in his dreams. There had been no night since the fall that John hadn't watched him jump. The lifeless body on the pavement surrounded by a pool of blood haunted his dreams night after night and every time the result was the same.

_ **These wounds won't seem to heal**_

**_ This pain is just too real_**

**_ There's just too much that time cannot erase _**

No matter how he tried, John was never able to save him.

**_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_**

**_ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_**

**_ And I held your hand through all of these years_**

**_ But you still have all of me _**

And he felt guilty.

Guilty for not being able to save Sherlock. For not being able to talk him out of it. For not telling him he was in - . Well, for not telling him how much he cared about him.

And now it was too late.

Too late to get back what Sherlock took from him.

**_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_**

**_ But though you're still with me_**

**_ I've been alone all along_**

**_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_**

**_ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_**

**_ And I held your hand through all of these years_**

**_ But you still have all of me_**

And now Sherlock would always have a part of him.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Next chapter will be posted tomorrow.**

**- Dalnim**


	4. Lost in paradise

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock Holmes or the song _Lost in paradise _by_ Evanescence_**

_**Singing**_

* * *

**_I've been believing in something so distant_**

**_ As if I was human_**

**_ And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness_**

**_ In me, in me_**

He was having dreams.

Not the same kind as before, where he had to watch over and over as Sherlock jumped, without being able to save him. No, these were different.

These were happy.

Until they weren't.

_ **All the promises I made**_

**_ Just to let you down_**

**_ You believed in me, but I'm broken_**

In these dreams he was in Baker Street lying on his own bed, peacefully asleep. And Sherlock was there with him, lying next to him. But he was awake. He was holding himself up, leaning to his hand and watching John as he slept.

**_ I have nothing left_**

**_ And all I feel is this cruel wanting_**

**_ We've been falling for all this time_**

**_ And now I'm lost in paradise_**

They were both shirtless and Sherlock was trailing his fingers on John's back, drawing circles. John woke up in the dream to his gentle touch and smiled at him lovingly before moving closer to him, snuggling him. Sherlock smiled and put his arms around him before kissing him deeply.

'I love you', he whispered before he was whisked away from him and all John could see was the picture of dead Sherlock lying on his own blood in the pavement.

And once again he woke up screaming.

_ **As much as I'd like the past not to exist**_

**_ It still does_**

**_ And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here_**

**_ I'm just as scared as you_**

John didn't know if these dreams were any better than the ones from earlier. Because these dreams made him ache all over. They made him realize something he had been denying for far too long.

_ **I have nothing left**_

**_ And all I feel is this cruel wanting_**

**_ We've been falling for all this time_**

**_ And now I'm lost in paradise_**

They left him feeling lost.

_ **Run away, run away**_

**_ One day we won't feel this pain anymore_**

And all he wanted to do was to escape them. Escape everything. The dreams, the memories, the pain.

_ **Take it all away**_

**_ Shadows of you_**

**_ Cause they won't let me go_**

He was being haunted by images of Sherlock.

The three words he had said to him in the dream.

The knowledge that he'd never be able to hear them again.

Never for real.

And the knowledge that he would never be able to say them back.

_ **Until I have nothing left**_

**_ And all I feel is this cruel wanting_**

**_ We've been falling for all this time_**

**_ And now I'm lost in paradise_**

**_ Alone, and lost in paradise_**

For he could no longer deny it.

He loved him. His best friend. His partner.

He was in love with Sherlock Holmes.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review and give me some feedback on the story.**

**- Dalnim**


	5. My heart is broken

**A/N: Hey, I have a first reviewer! Thank you so much for reviewing and I'm glad you like the story. Anyway, here's the next chap. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock Holmes or the song _My heart is broken_****by_ Evanescence._**

**_Singing_**

* * *

_**I will wander 'till the end of time torn away from you.** _

He was visiting the grave again. He knew he shouldn't, but John just couldn't help himself. He needed to feel close to Sherlock and visiting his grave seemed to help.

Well, at least a little.

**_I pull away to face the pain. _**

**_I close my eyes and drift away. _**

**_Over the fear that I will never find _**

**_A way to heal my soul. _**

**_And I will wander 'till the end of time _**

_**Torn away from you.** _

Admitting he was in love with Sherlock had made everything worse. He was now seeing him everywhere he went. Well, he thought he was seeing him. They were all really just small glimpses of curly back hair or a blue scarf. Or a voice that sounded a bit like Sherlock's.

But every time, John couldn't bring himself to ignore it. He had to check. He couldn't let that tiny ray of hope go.

He couldn't say goodbye.

**_My heart is broken _**

**_Sweet sleep, my dark angel _**

_**Deliver us from sorrow's hold** _

John kept hanging onto every small reminder of Sherlock. He wore his clothes and used his hair products to smell like him, and held his violin for hours to just be reminded of him.

He had even taken residence in Sherlock's old room and slept in his bed to feel close to him.

**_I can't go on living this way _**

**_And I can't go back the way I came _**

**_Chained to this fear that I will never find _**

**_A way to heal my soul _**

**_And I will wander 'till the end of time _**

_**Half alive without you** _

The realization of being in love with Sherlock had permanently chained John to where he was. Drowned in sorrow and misery. Searching for ghosts.

He just couldn't let him go.

**_My heart is broken _**

**_Sweet sleep, my dark angel _**

_**Deliver us** _

Every night he slept in Sherlock's bed he imagined him sleeping peacefully next to him. He imagined holding him like in his dream and just being content with having him there. His dark angel.

But it was just a dream.

It was only an illusion.

An illusion John should let go.

**_Change, open your eyes to the light _**

**_I denied it all so long, oh so long _**

**_Say goodbye, goodbye _**

But he couldn't.

Not after denying his feelings for Sherlock for so long.

This was his punishment.

A punishment he wanted to end.

A punishment he could take no longer.

**_My heart is broken _**

**_Release me, I can't hold on _**

**_Deliver us _**

**_My heart is broken _**

**_Sweet sleep, my dark angel _**

**_Deliver us from sorrow's hold_**

And after nearly two years…

John broke.

* * *

**AN/: Thanks for reading! Please review and give me some feedback on the story.**

**- Dalnim**


	6. Like you

**A/N: Two more two go after this. I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock Holmes or the song _Like you_ by _Evanescence_**

**_Singing_**

* * *

**_Stay low._**

**_Soft, dark and dreamless,_**

**_Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness._**

**_I hate me,_**

**_For breathing without you._**

**_I don't want to feel anymore for you._**

Two years.

Two years it had taken him to finally break. He didn't have any strength to carry on anymore. It didn't feel right to go on without Sherlock.

So he didn't.

_ **Grieving for you,**_

**_ I'm not grieving for you._**

**_ Nothing real love can't undo,_**

**_ And though I may have lost my way,_**

**_ All paths lead straight to you._**

**_ I long to be like you,_**

**_ Lie cold in the ground like you._**

John was fading away.

He hadn't eaten in over a week. He didn't get up from the bed anymore either. Not since Mrs. Hudson had left to see her sister. John had convinced her that he would be fine. He had made her believe.

At least then she didn't have to see him like this.

Broken.

**_ Halo,_**

**_ Blinding wall between us._**

**_ Melt away and leave us alone again._**

**_ The humming, haunted somewhere out there._**

**_ I believe our love can see us through in death._**

It was nearly two years.

The anniversary was in two days.

And that was when he was gonna do it.

**_ I long to be like you,_**

**_ Lie cold in the ground like you._**

**_ There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,_**

**_ I'm coming for you._**

That was when he was going to join his love.

_ **You're not alone,**_

**_ No matter what they told you, you're not alone._**

**_ I'll be right beside you forevermore._**

And neither one of them would be alone again.

The pain would be gone.

**_ I long to be like you,_**

**_ Lie cold in the ground like you did._**

**_ There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you._**

They would be together again.

_ **And as we lay in silent bliss,**_

**_ I know you remember me._**

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.

That was who they were. There was not one without the other.

Not now.

Not ever.

Not anymore.

_ **I long to be like you,**_

**_ Lie cold in the ground like you._**

**_ There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,_**

_** I'm coming for you. ** _

Two days.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please leave me a review and tell me what you think.**

**- Dalnim**


	7. I don't care

**A/N: Thank you for _Guest_ for reviewing. One more chapter to go after this. I hope you like it.**

**Warnings: Suicidal thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock Holmes or the song_ I don't care_ by_ Apocalyptica feat. Adam Gontier_**

**_Singing_**

* * *

The day had arrived.

He had waited till the evening, visiting Sherlock's grave during the day as to not raise suspicion. He knew Mycroft most likely kept tabs on him so it was better to be safe than sorry. He didn't want to get interrupted.

But now everything was ready. He had updated his will weeks ago. Everything would go to Harry. It wasn't like he had some huge fortune. He owned nothing really. But the little he did, Harry could do whatever she wanted with them.

He had chosen his gun.

The very same weapon that had saved his life countless of times. The very same weapon he had used to shoot the cabbie on his and Sherlock's first case.

It was poetic really.

But it would be quick and painless. He was a doctor; he knew where to shoot to end it quickly. He would die like so many of his mates from the army that had been discharged and had not been able to go on in the civilian life. He couldn't blame them. He had thought about it himself many times in the beginning.

Before he had met Sherlock.

But now Sherlock was gone and there was nothing left for him.

Nothing left to live for.

It was time, John thought as he took the gun in his hand.

Time to end it once and for all.

Raising the weapon to his temple, he was surprised to see his hand didn't shake.

So much for the tremor in his shoulder.

Less chance to miss.

His finger trailed the trigger.

He closed his eyes.

And started to press.

But was interrupted.

Cursing John hid the gun into the closest drawer and took a deep breath. He couldn't shoot himself when there was someone knocking on his door.

Wiping his face from all emotion he moved to open the door, praying to God it wasn't Mrs. Hudson returning early from her sister's'.

But as he opened the door he saw a sight he had thought he'd never see again.

"John."

"Sherlock." John whispered.

John stared at him in shock.

Alive.

Sherlock was there, standing in front of him, alive and well.

And somehow he knew that this time… it was real.

Suddenly the numbness he had felt for the last two years disappeared and his feelings went haywire.

The first thing he felt was joy.

It was like a heavy rock was lifted from his shoulders and from his heart and he felt happy. Sherlock was alive! He was here! He came back!

But then came the anger.

"You fucking bastard!" John roared and Sherlock winced.

"John…"

"I can't believe you. How could you…? To _me_…"

"I'm sorr…"

"Enough!" John interrupted. "I don't wanna hear it."

Sherlock looked at him pleadingly, but John just looked away from him and took a deep breath.

**_I try to make it through my life, in my way, there's you _**

**_I try to make it through these lies, and that's all I do _**

**_Just don't deny it, _**

**_Don't try to fight this and deal with it _**

**_And that's just part of it, _**

"John…"

_ **If you were dead or still alive **_

**_ I don't care, I don't care _**

**_ Just go and leave this all behind _**

_** 'Cause I swear, I don't care** _

John had never felt this angry before. He had been _this_ close to killing himself and joining Sherlock in death and now he finds out he was never dead to begin with. How could he do this to him?

But no.

John didn't care.

Whatever excuse Sherlock had. He didn't want to know.

He didn't care.

Not anymore.

_ **I try to make you see my side **_

**_ Always trying to stay in line _**

**_ But your eyes see right through _**

**_ That's all they do _**

**_ I'm getting buried in this place _**

**_ I got no room you're in my face _**

_** Don't say anything just go away** _

"Please John…"

_ **If you were dead or still alive **_

**_ I don't care, I don't care _**

**_ Just go and leave this all behind _**

_** 'Cause I swear I don't care** _

"I'm sorry John." Sherlock whispered and John could see tears in his eyes, but forced himself not to react.

_ **It's not changing everything **_

**_ You won't be there for me_**

**_If you were dead or still alive _**

**_ I don't care, I don't care _**

**_ Just go and leave this all behind _**

**_ 'Cause I swear I don't care _**

**_ At all..._**

And Sherlock left.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review.**

**Last chapter will be posted tomorrow.**

**- Dalnim**


	8. The Reason

**A/N: Thanks for reviews. Here's the last chapter and the song which convinced me to write this. I think it describes perfectly how Sherlock is feeling.**

**To _Ashjen2010_: I'm really glad you liked this story. I don't usually read/write songfics either, but I have written one HP-fic that has songs in it, though not exactly like this as it's primarily not a songfic. If you want to check it out you can find it in my profile under the name _ Without your mask where will you hide._**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock Holmes or the song _The Reason_ By _Hoobastank_**

**_Singing_**

* * *

John didn't know how long he just sat on the floor leaning to the wall his knees drawn up to his chest. Sometimes crying silently. Sometimes sobbing. And sometimes just staring into nothingness.

He was exhausted.

Physically.

Emotionally.

He just felt so tired.

And that was how Sherlock found him in the morning.

"John!" He cried as he entered the flat seeing John on the floor looking lifeless. John turned his gaze towards him and looked at him with empty eyes. He was so tired he didn't even have any energy to feel. Sherlock hurried to him and lifted him in his arms moving him to the couch, before looking over him.

_Black rings under eyes, slow reactions – severe exhaustion – clothes look too small, body thin and skin dull – hasn't eaten for days – treatment: long sleep and food._

How had he not noticed this before?

_'Oh John, what have you done to yourself.'_ Sherlock thought as he disappeared to the kitchen to make John some tea. The guilt ripped through him like a sharp knife. He knew this was his fault.

It was all his fault.

Sherlock poured the tea into John's cup and took it to him helping him drink.

"Come on John, you need to drink something." He said lifting John's head. John sipped awkwardly and started coughing. He sat up and took the cup from Sherlock, who wrapped a blanket on his shoulders.

"What are you doing here, Sherlock? I thought I told you to leave." John said weakly, looking at him with tired eyes.

"When have I ever listened to you, John?" Sherlock said attempting to lighten up the mood, but John just stared at him blankly. Sighing he continued. "I wanted to explain…"

"I don't wanna hear it, Sherlock." John interrupted closing his eyes and shaking his head lightly.

"Please John. Just listen. Please."

**_I'm not a perfect person_**

**_There's many things I wish I didn't do_**

**_But I continue learning_**

**_I never meant to do those things to you_**

**_And so I have to say before I go_**

**_That I just want you to know_**

**_ I've found a reason for me_**

**_ To change who I used to be_**

**_ A reason to start over new_**

**_ And the reason is you_**

Sherlock moved to kneel on the floor in front of John and took the tea cup from his hands before covering them gently with his own.

**_ I'm sorry that I hurt you_**

**_ It's something I must live with everyday_**

**_ And all the pain I put you through_**

**_ I wish that I could take it all away_**

**_ And be the one who catches all your tears_**

He moved his hands cupping John's cheeks and wiping them dry from the tears that fell down the man's face.

**_That's why I need you to hear_**

**_ I've found a reason for me_**

**_ To change who I used to be_**

**_ A reason to start over new_**

**_ And the reason is you_**

**_ I'm not a perfect person_**

**_ I never meant to do those things to you_**

**_ And so I have to say before I go_**

**_ That I just want you to know_**

**_ I've found a reason for me_**

**_ To change who I used to be_**

**_ A reason to start over new_**

**_ And the reason is you_**

**_ I've found a reason to show_**

**_ A side of me you didn't know_**

**_ A reason for all that I do_**

_** And the reason is you ** _

"I love you John." Sherlock whispered tears in his eyes. "Please, just let me explain. If you still want me to leave… I-I will. I promise."

John stared at him for a moment through his tear-filled eyes and nodded.

So Sherlock explained.

He told him all about Moriarty's plan and the assassins that were targeting John, Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson. He told him how he couldn't take him with him for fear of Moriarty's network finding out and Sherlock losing him. He told him how he had missed him every moment he was away.

And he told him how sorry he was.

At the end of the explanation – which had both in the tears – John jumped at him and hugged him so hard Sherlock was sure he broke a few ribs, but could care less. He hugged him back like his life depended on it and buried his face on John's hair.

"I'm so sorry." He murmured.

"Don't ever do this to me again." John said his face buried into his shoulder. "I don't care if there are fifty snipers on me; just don't ever do this again."

"I promise." Sherlock said. "Never again. I will do anything you want. I will change my ways; no more experiments, no more body parts in the fridge… Just don't tell me to leave."

"No." John said quietly and Sherlock pulled away to look at him.

"No?"

John shook his head. "No, I don't want you to change. You're perfect just the way you are, body parts and all. You're the one I fell in love with. All of you; good and bad. I just want you back."

"You – you love me?" Sherlock asked hope shining through his eyes.

"Yes, Sherlock. For a genius you're pretty stupid, you know? Of course I love you." John said trailing a hand down Sherlock's cheek, and gave a watery laugh.

Sherlock gave him a brilliant smile and hugged him tightly again.

"I love you too."

"I know." John murmured his head pressed in Sherlock's chest just where his heart was. "I missed you so much."

The two men sat there holding each other for a long time and neither could remember when they had lied down on the couch, John laying on top of Sherlock.

"Sherlock?"

"Hmm?"

"You said you'd do anything I wanted…"

"Yes?"

"I want you to kiss me."

Sherlock lifted his head to look at John and smiled a bit…shyly?

"You know… I haven't really done this before…" He said with a faint blush.

"Oh?" John said raising an eyebrow before his lips formed into the grin Sherlock loved so much. "I will just have to teach you then." He said before claiming his lips and giving him a soft sweet kiss. "Consider it an experiment."

"Mmmm… I think I quite like this experiment." Sherlock smirked before kissing John with passion.

"Mmmm… Me too." John said and both men knew it was going to be okay.

It would take time, but they were going to be okay.

Together.

'Cause they were already healing.

**The End.**

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for keeping up with this story. I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me what you thought. By the way, sorry that the song isn't separated properly, but it appears that FF no longer allows me to but spaces between the paragraphs...**

**Thanks,**

**-Dalnim**


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